I never wanted to hurt you
by AlphonseLuverNumber1
Summary: A short, depressing spin-off inspired by the all-too-famous battle scene between America and England. WARNINGS; SLASH AND CHARACTER DEATH. Rated T for violence and because I'm paranoid.


A/N:  
So, I wrote a thing. I was listening to sad music, fell into a depressing mood and decided to take it out through writing something to force my followers to be sad with me. Let the feels flow through you, my lovely masochists. If you would like to know when my other stories will be updated, I again direct you to my DeviantART,(Link on profile) I just recently posted a new journal. Anyways, on with the story.

If any of you are confused, the POV switches from America to England and back every "xXx"

Enjoy~

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_ Why don't you look at me?_ Why don't you see it, when I beg for your attention with my eyes? I look just about as pathetic as I feel, standing there so poor and defenseless as I watch the back of your head while you just walk away. I learned early that love can only hurt you, that's just how it was all my life. The pain is overwhelming, it builds up and it builds up, and one day it will release itself. We never know what it'll come out as, hatred, anger... You'll hurt others, and you'll hurt yourself. My heart just kept breaking, breaking and breaking until I just couldn't bring myself to pick up the pieces any more. I put my defenses up, far too high just to push you away. You became too overwhelming, I had to do something to get myself _away from you._

I didn't think it would come to this, but here I am. Here you are. The battlefield is so much to take in, looking over the bodies of your men... Their puddles of blood is diluted with mud from the rain that drenched me and you. It was so hard, I couldn't look at you behind all those tears, my weakness... I didn't want you to see that, see how weak and pathetic I really am. My legs are shaking too much, I give into the weight and fall to my knees, bending over I slam my hands into the mud and finally choke out a loud sob I'd been holding back in my throat. This is how it ends, this is how I end. Right here, while I'm vulnerable... You're just going to take it, aren't you? You're that cold, you always have been, I wouldn't put it past you. "Why?!" I choke out, my last words I had to get in. I throw my head up and finally give into staring into those maddening green eyes. You can see the tears streaking down from my reddened eyes, but I'm past the point of possibly caring. "Why didn't you just look at me?! I was begging for your attention! You never cared, you couldn't even pretend, could you!? Why didn't you see?! I _loved_ you!" I cry out the last thoughts running through my mind. But when I looked harder, you weren't moving, you just stood there, apathy across his face. But those eyes... They spoke riddles I couldn't wrap my head around, and I watched them begin to shine. I shook, swallowed hard and sat back to watch you, holding my shaking stomach as the sobbing became violent. Did you think you could just own me like this?

xXx

How could we let it go so far? A war... Why did it come to this? All I ever wanted was a little brother, something I could have all my own. I didn't want things to happen like this... What did I do, to make you hate me like this? It's all I can think, looking at what we were left to. The two of us, standing in the middle of the fallen battlefield. I can't move, I can hardly bring myself to look at you but I do. Watching you cry... Was probably the hardest thing I could ever do, and all I could do was stand there and listen, couldn't let it out. Why did you never see... I _did_ love you, I always loved you. I wish I could say it, I wish I could have seen past the tears gathering in my eyes... But what you can't see is the blood that soaks through my uniform, my arm wrapped firmly around my stomach. I've been too strong, my energy steals swiftly and you watch me fall. You scramble to my side, but my vision is fading in and out and I can't tell anymore, the last thing I do is try to reach for you, blood dribbling down the corner of my mouth and over my cheek. "I... Never wanted... To hurt you..." Was all I could choke out before everything faded away.

xXx

"I never wanted to hurt you." It was the last thing you said to me, the memory flashbacks to me in a race of emotions. No, I never hated you. I just loved you too much. I haven't cried like this since I held your lifeless body in my arms and cradled you, hoping maybe wishing hard enough would bring you back. You're all I see, covered in blood, all I feel is the rain coming down on me and all I think about is how I'll never hold you again. The hardest part is watching the dirt pile on top of the coffin, it's too much for such a heavy mind to bear. The scene of the funeral evades me completely, my friends just stand and watch as Matthew has to hold me back from throwing myself into that hole they put you in. I scream and cry, and all I can get out is your name and hysterical sobs. But soon enough, when my energy fades I'm just left, sitting here on the ground and staring. Watching. Crying. I told myself you would leave, I just didn't expect it to happen like this. How could it...? Why didn't you just... _look at me?_

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A/N: Yes, yes, it's sad, it's short, it's shitty. If you would kindly leave a review about me being such a mean, depressed little bundle of emotion I would be very grateful~


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